Tonight like many, is about starting over. We started over with potty training the baraccuda; started my life over, my love. Tommy sent me a text today and told me he was tired of me. Tired of me. Which made me happy and angry at the same time. Because I have felt that in differing fashions for so long. Tired of him. And sad and angry about it. And so worried what everyone would think. Who cares? Right? I mean when it really comes down to it. My parents want me to be happy, I know my sister does and my friends do. I do to. The question now lies in whether I am a complete idiot and believe someone new, or just cling to my new "FREEDOM". Shit. With me? Prolly neither. I can't let go, am stubborn to a fault and have trouble with holding onto projects that I should just let go. But its so hard, when your project has a name, and a face....and a need. A desire. Fuck. What am I talking about? I will be 31 in a day. And I have nothing figured out. I am awake at 137am knowing tomorrow i have to put on a show, because yet again i am planning and hosting my own birthday. Tomorrow I have to be happy. Even thought my life has fallen apart. I am getting a divorce. Per his last text, at the end of next week. And am just trying to move through my life every day with some semblance of joy. Jesus. This whole entry is fucked. Hello everyone, if you haven't met my life, here it fucking is.